The Newton Incarnate

Years ago, it was said that a man shall walk the earth, one who would redefine the world of science and technology, persuade Microsoft to go open source (yes, he also predicted the existence of Microsoft), would cause rapprochement between Google and Microsoft and devise a drug that would cure cancer, cure AIDS and give the patient a month long high. This man was supposed to be Isaac Newton but due to a few trifling mistakes in the Department of Messiahs and Prodigal Heroes (DEMPH) Newton was born a little early. The error was however not an irremediable one. For a couple of centuries later the Newton version 2.0 was unleashed upon the earth. However DEMPH made a small error again, because the new Newton was placed in India.

During the first few years of his life Newton 2.0 felt bewildered, he found himself to be a mote in the vast expanse of the universe. His thirst of knowledge, and want to understand the universe was even more than before (he was 2.0 after all). His genius would have been recognized early in school were it not for the unfortunate but not entirely unusual circumstance he found himself in. His teachers thought him to be a miscreant because of his tendencies to solve their problems and questions for them instead of sitting quietly and copying down the steps involved memorizing them and repeating them in the exam. But that did not dispirit 2.0, after all he was an upgrade over the last Newton. He got into high school with a feeling of hope, that his genius would be recognized, but no luck there either. His subjects, were no longer interesting to him, mostly because he’d finished them all in fifth grade. He tried to pursue something higher and more interesting only to be rebuked by his coaching class teacher, who told him to stop being a smart ass, and be a normal ass like everybody else. The classes were becoming his bane. Why was he going there in the first place? Because everybody else was going there. How else can you get into an IIT. Only once did he try to ask his parents why it was necessary for him to get into IIT. They had looked at him as if he was deranged, as if he had just said, “Come Mom, Dad lets have anthrax for dinner!” They thought that it would not be becoming of their son to become a scientist or anything else for that matter. The neighbors’ sons were engineers from IIT, and they earned a lot, so who cares if they were a couple of losers who were totally unhappy with their lives.

He topped the IIT entrance exam, it was the happiest day in everybody’s life except his. In IIT he found engineering an interesting field. However his friends didn’t share the same , they told him that he was being an idiot for taking this so seriously. He felt aggrieved at this and a little confused. They told him there was no future in engineering. “But you make things in engineering, invent stuff that others can use.” He argued. “Why bother?” came the reply. “We don’t need new stuff, there’s no future there. You’ll probably invent something awesome only to see someone else take the credit for it. Then you’ll be left poor and miserable.” “But,” 2.0 argued again, ”what’s the point in living if you thought that way. According to you there’s nothing you can do to become happy.” “There’s one thing you can do,” was the reply, “a profession where all you need to do is talk and wear suits. Meet people and trick them into believing that you’re good.” “How do I do that?” asked 2.0

“Become a Manager!! “

Up in the heavens, in the offices of DMPH to be precise, no one knew why the screw up had happened, was it because they were busy organizing Jesus’ comeback or because they were busy designing their logo, we’ll never know.

Waves 08 II – The real reason

This is probably the last thing I write. They’re watching me. They know I’m on to them, but that isn’t going to stop me. For years they’ve been trying to incite humans against each other. It has worked well, and now they’re ready for their final conquest. They’re coming here this November to finish us off. You know what I’m talking about. I’m sure you can feel them too. Those darned aliens!!

I know to most of you this may sound preposterous. But I’m not drunk, or babbling because I watched all 53 kinds of close encounters in one sitting. It all makes perfect sense when you think about it. It struck me just a few days ago. When it was announced that waves was being held in November, it felt odd. As if things were being decided by someone other than us. When a bunch of people proposed, the holding of Waves 2008 again, there was no rebuke from the faculty. The same faculty that rebukes everything else from healthy medical facilities and stripper joints to common sense. What does that have to do with aliens? You may ask. Well then I’d ask you to let me finish.

There was a meeting on waves with the faculty members. The upshot of which was that, waves would have to be organized in two months time with a budget of less than one lakh rupees. This was the point that really got me thinking about alien involvement. It is obvious that no fest could be run with less than one lakh. So how would the BITS students manage to find more money. A few minutes of thinking made it all clear. If humans don’t fund it, who do you think is left?

There was a however a part of this theory that perplexed me. To pull off something of this magnitude you have to have an inside man. Who could that be? I wondered. The answer however was simpler than I thought. One piece of information was all that I needed. Humans have always thought that aliens could disguise themselves perfectly. (Douglas Adams is not an exception, he’s not human. How else could he have given such an accurate description of the Galactic Empire). So I started thinking on the opposite track. What if they disguise poorly, or not at all? Then the answer struck me. I knew who the inside man was. For now let’s call him by his alien name, Alpha-Vega-Kappa (Alpha for short). He was part of the discussion, he also persuaded the student body to manage with a budget of less than one lakh. He was the man behind it all.

Then came the last part of the puzzle, how were they going to use waves, and why are they specifically planning to attack in November. It’s the perfect cover. Waves is the one time Bitsians will let their guard down. Bits G is right between P and H, so it is going to become their headquarters. Once they use it to their advantage, they can take over Bits P and H, and from there, the world. Don’t ask how though… But why November?

There’s only one answer that fits. The Victoria Secret Fashion Show. When the whole world will be watching and talking about the fashion show, waves will be sidelined. The aliens will then feint a sighting at the fashion show, so that when everybody’s searching for aliens there, waves will be taken over by them. Unless I stop it. I shall reveal the name of the alien spy. Wow what’s with all those bright lights in the sky? Anyway the earth name of Alpha-Vega-Kappa is…

Harry-whatra-entra was here

Erase

How to erase?

Crap

The above work is completely fictitious…

We aliens do not exist…

Even if we do… We’ll be at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show